What's That Smell?
by gopherwhote
Summary: You'd think after being sealed in a cube since before Skippits were cool, you'd have pressing hygiene issues, wouldn't you? A take on Miyu's reuinion with her parents. This chapter's a little naked for those of you who are too young for that sorta thing
1. The hairy, smelly, urinesoaked reunion!

Why do I even try?  
I make my pathetic comeback with this little piece of tooth-wedged asparagus.  
  
These are just some little details I worried over. Don't bother to contest them, I'm never proud of my writing. I accept my shit, and will roll around in it just because it's all mine  
(I love Jhonen Vasquez)  
So with much further ado, here's this thing I wrote just for the pure unadulterated hell of it (and why not, I ask you? Besides the fact that bad writing sucks like canker sores suck, but why not, I ask you again? Let's not be redundant [however useful a comedic tool it is] and GET ON WITH IT [yes kids, I've resorted to yelling at myself])  
(Shut up)  
(Sorry)  
  
The Mask  
  
The last vestiges of light from the hissing portal danced across Miyu's features as it closed on the final wandering Shinma she and Larva had sealed. With a final noise that reminded her of *poke!* the gateway snapped shut. She closed her eyes in relief, and turned to her companion, gazing at him. Larva was staring at the place where the gateway had closed, his face unreadable as usual behind his stone mask. She frowned.  
"What now?"  
Larva shrugged obsequiously.   
Miyu's frown deepened. She was mildly upset that such a major event had gone otherwise unremarked by both the world and her supposed Guardian. "Is that all? After all we've gone through, after saving you from your family, after both of us dying and being reborn, after years of holding me in your arms as I pined for this day, THAT is all?!"  
Larva's face swiveled toward her. Miyu was sure his mask hid a withering look. She sighed, shoulders slumping.  
"Sorry. It's just that I expected-"  
"SOMETHING MORE CLIMACTIC?"  
Miyu spun toward the new voice. She clutched her head absently. *That's a lot of capitals*. Letting her arms drop to her sides, she regarded her Osa. "As you might know, indicated by your presence here, I have completed the task you have given me, and demand you release my parents."  
Something slammed into the back of her shoulder, and she went careening wildly into the opposite wall. She sat up and shook her head. "Oh yes, and release Larva." She glared at him, and he shrugged apologetically. *He never did know his own strength*  
The Osa turned it's one bulbose glowing eye on them, and gave over picking it's teeth with one of it's branches. "HUH? OH YEAH." It gave an absent flick of one branch, flinging food onto Larva's mask, and a large cube of what appeared to be glass (ah, or was it ice?) appeared off to the group's right. Miyu immediately recognized her parent's holding chamber.   
"Release them!" Miyu demanded.  
"MY YOU ARE QUICK." It turned it's orb on the cube, whereas large cracks immediately began appearing. The thing fell apart with a rather unsatisfying *pwip*, nearly like an egg being cracked over a frying pan, depositing Miyu's unconscious parents in a rather damp heap. Faint snickering was heard from behind Larva's mask. Miyu glared at him, whereas it stopped. She turned her golden eyes to the branch-like God-demon in front of them. "And Larva?"  
The Osa had one branch lodged in what looked like a knot-hole in the side of what everyone took to be it's body. "YEAH YEAH, AND LARVA." It yanked out it's branch, bringing with it the squirrel that had made it's home in what everyone took to be the Osa's body. The Osa suddenly flung the small rodent directly at Larva, catching him squarely and rather confusedly in the face. The mask cracked, falling in half to shatter on the ground at Larva's feet. Miyu stared at it in consternation. "That's IT? I could have done th-"  
"SILENCE!"  
"Are you yelling at me, or is that just all the capital letters again?"  
"I HAVE FULFILLED MY END OF THE AGREEMENT, NOW LEAVE ME, SMALL....GIRL-LIKE.......BRAT....THING. GRRR. I DEPART!" And with that, it departed, in a rather uncharacteristic poof of glitter.  
Miyu turned to her friend, and sole companion throughout her now-finished ordeal. His head was bowed as he gazed at the mess at his feet, his cowl obscuring the features Miyu had longed to gaze at since she had first sighted them that night on the beach. (I acknowledge that was confusing. Fuck it I care! :)) "L-Larva?"  
"Arggggg?..." a harsh female voice moaned questioningly. Miyu's eyes bulged before she realized the voice was coming from the other half of the crumpled heap that was her parents.   
"Mother?"  
The more feminine of the damp pair raised it's head to peer blearily at Miyu. "Miyu?"  
Miyu's eyes, for the first time since, well, honestly, last week, filled with tears. "Yes, Mother, it's me."  
"Why aren't you in bed?"  
Miyu face-faulted. "W-what? Mother, I-"  
"Qui-eeeet." The second figure groaned. "I'm trying to get sum."  
"Huh?!" Miyu's confusion was interrupted by a familiar hand on her shoulder.  
"They're just disoriented. It should wear off."  
Miyu's eyes lit up at hearing the longed-for voice, and she spun, beaming, to greet Larva face to face at long last. She stared up at his face with wide eyes. He might have been smiling softly at her, she couldn't tell, as God-knows how many years of facial hair was matted up under half his face, ultimately taking the shape of his mask and looking as if someone had taken to stapling light blue Chia pets haphazardly to the bottom half of his face. He noted her somewhat-well, rather-extremely dumbstruck look, and attempted to run a hand through his growth.  
"Well...." He might have grinned apologetically. "What did you expect?"   
Miyu went crosseyed, and turned away from what was in front of her, hoping to collect herself a bit more before confronting it.   
Her parents were in a writhing heap, which, as Miyu began to notice, smelled rather bad. Suddenly her father shot up, clutching himself rather disconcertingly. "AUUUGHG!!! I gotta GO! Why oh WHY do I have to go so BAD?!"  
Miyu stepped forward. "Well, you've been asleep for quite a long time..."  
Her father's glasses had slipped, showing her one baleful eye. He spoke each word in a calculated and dangerous voice. "If you value your life or your sanity, for GOD'S SAKE, show-me-a-BATHROOM."  
Miyu pointed resignedly to a hallway off to her left. Her father dashed away, slightly hampered by the fact he was still clutching himself as thought trying to stop himself from falling in two. Miyu shook her head. *At least he's a bit more animated now...* Her mother was resting on her elbows, still lying where she had originally fallen, and was peering at the ground with a forlorn look on her face.  
"Mother?"  
"Miyu?"  
"Yes Mother?"  
Her mother spoke in a small, lost voice. ".......I smell like bowling shoes."  
Miyu pinched the bridge of her nose between two fingers. This wasn't how she envisioned her reunion in the slightest. Still, she supposed she had to be realistic. "Just...follow the scent path Father made. He smells like bowling shoes too. There should be a bathroom at the end of it. You can....bathe."  
Miyu's mother crawled laboriously over to Miyu and clutched her bare knee, peering reverently up at her. "Bless you." She then pulled her way, sniffing, in the direction Miyu's father had raced off. Miyu sadly gazed after them. She turned to stare at Larva. She noticed his face seemed more....tame, as he had been flicking at his face with his razor-sharp fingernails, giving himself an impromptu shaving. She gave him a small smile. "This isn't really how I imagined my reunion...." She hung her head. He held his arms out to her, and she gratefully sank into his familiar embrace.   
"I know, Miyu. I know."  
She looked happily up at him, glad to see him smiling softly back. "At least I can finally see your face," she laughed. He laughed with her, relief at being able to do so after so long entering his voice.  
"Yes, that was rather-"  
"AAAAAAUUGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Miyu began frantically pushing at his chest, face turning an obscene color.  
"What?" Larva leaned close, concern painting his face. "What's wrong, Miyu?"  
Miyu finally freed herself and backpedaled, howling, until she slipped on the little puddle of dampness her parents had left, where she lay panting, taking deep breaths of sweet, pure, life-giving air; sweeter than blood at that moment. She raised her head to stare at a rather sad-looking Larva. "My GOD Larva," she wheezed, "Your....your BREATH!!? What is WRONG? There has to be something WRONG, because, because.....that's just UNHOLY!!!!!"  
Once again Miyu was the recipient of a withering look. "I haven't exactly had the opportunity to brush my teeth."  
Miyu swallowed. She figured she didn't want to hurt Larva's feelings more by retching violently until every ounce she had ever ingested was painted on the floor. She rolled over to her side, gulping. "It's....it's allright, Larva." She squeezed her eyes shut. "Just please, please go....DO something about your gaping STINK HOLE!"  
Larva, looking extremely bemused, followed the path her parents had taken.  
"And if you're going to use my toothbrush make sure to BURN IT AFTERWARDS!" she called out after him. She sighed and let herself down, figuring she could take a small nap while her near and dear went through their necessary ablutions  
  
  
Forgive me. I was listening to 'Get Your Freak On' while writing this. The next chapter concludes this prostate exam of an excuse for writing, and on a considerably more happy note than this one left off with. Don't worry, fans, all the happy comes out next chapter. Yous all will like it. Aww yeeuh  
"Nawww. Come on girly, I show you my nut-zone"  
-Man with 'beer' on shirt from 'I Feel Sick', talking to Devi, who is really me, by the way. YAAAAAAAAAAY!  
(I don't know what that was about, by the way)  
Have a cranberry. Even if you don't like them. It'll be something, at least.  
Goodbye til later kids. Review me, I'm begging you. Please? The more reviews, the more happy the next chapter  
'K, bye for real kids  
  
  
  
*review now* 


	2. A brief internude

The Stink of Clean  
  
Miyu dreamt of her childhood, and of redundancy. Because isn't that all memories are anyway? Her dreams were strange. She was around seven, and was camping in a strange wood with her parents. Her mother was trying to ignite an already roaring fire. Whenever Miyu mentioned the absurdity of this to her father, he would only repeat "Don't cross the stream. You'll fall". It was rather confusing. It got worse when Miyu's mother suddenly grabbed a burning branch and began hitting her father over the head with it. *What the HELL?*. Strangely, her father didn't seem to mind at all, and seemed to be staring at *Miyu* rather expectantly. Her mother kept resolutely pounding on her father's head, though she seemed to be doing it rather strangely. She would pound steadily for five beats, then rest, then five more, and on.  
  
Miyu shook her head and yawned, opening her eyes blearily, still hearing the pounding of her dream echoing around in her skull. She was under a window, where air drifted lazily in. Miyu remembered opening it just before she went to sleep, in order to air out the room. She sat up, realizing the sound she heard was someone pounding on the door. She got up slowly, walking over and opening the door to be confronted by a large mob of angry neighbors.  
  
"What in GOD'S name are you doing over here?!" One large and irate housewife demanded. "Where's that smell coming from?"  
  
"She makin' METH! She makin' METH!" one of her scrawny, elderly male neighbors wailed. Miyu was pretty sure his name had something to do with canker sores.  
  
Miyu leaned against the doorframe, sighing. "What do you want? Haven't you ever heard of peace and the sanctity of one's home?"  
  
"She said TITTY!" The man yelled. He was backhanded by his Mistress, since she was currently living with him in sin. (Sick, eh?) The crowd erupted in demands and accusations, someone even waving a nearby garden hose at Miyu, since no torches or pitchforks were to be had.  
  
Miyu pinched the bridge of her nose and growled.  
  
The overweight housewife, obviously the leader, hushed everyone and turned back to Miyu. "Naw, we ain't sayin' you doin' wrong ova hea, (I guess they're in the South), but t'ain't right for a girl your age ta be hangin' round all bye hersef, with no one..ta……..tuhhhhh…….."  
  
Miyu raised an eyebrow questioningly at her abrupt halt, then looked over her should to see what everyone was staring at.  
  
Larva was standing at the beginning of the hallway, leaning over to peer out the door, ever ready to protect Miyu. He happened to be wearing a very small, pink towel wrapped around his waist, and nothing else. His hair was a little soggy and clung to his face. He smiled waveringly at the crowd worshipping him with their eyes. Miyu firmly slammed the door shut in their faces.  
  
(P.S) It was a VERY small pink towel. 


	3. More nudenessthat's not a real word, is ...

Weeeee-hooey. I'm back kids. I'm feeling painfully sane at this moment, so I'm sorry if this isn't really funny. Oh well. Thank you to my loyal and talented fiancé Miyu, the ever faithful and equally talented Shiromori, that psycho chick with the rubber squeeky toy (who the HELL is that, anyway?), the infamous kurakura, good ol' slyangelz, the madly sniggering lariyu, the Return of Princess Licorice, and her sequel ashrei (Hi there. I don't think I've ever seen you before, you I count you as scoring. I have scored. SCOOOORE!!!) wee-oo. To the tearful chibi me, Nae, who has a distorted sense of reality, lain making demands, ieo said a word in another language, Shinsetsu is the true lord of the dance, an obscenely damp Firefly of Death, the thoroughly drenched return of kurakura, Yui who doesn't deserve to be poked repeatedly in the eye with a stick, Dark Phoenix (who I'm fairly sure is reviewing naked again), the mysterious " ", and last and for all I know not least, Cegi, one of my favorite reviewers. Most consistent and special thanks to kurakura, Cegi, Shiromori, Miyu, FireflyofDeath, Yui, Dark Phoenix, and Princess Licorice, who I'm pretty sure reviewed my other stories too. I love you all. I loves you gooooood.......Props to "_______", who wrote 'HAHAHAHAHAHAHA'. I love your name special....And a thousand apologies to anyone I've forgotten. Aw, what the hell, 1,090 apologies...you deserve it.  
(Erg....must pause.....torso in immense pain........)  
*squeeks Spooky*  
Spooky loves you too. One of these days I'm going to draw one of those aggravating web-pictures-using-symbols of him. But as of now, all I know how to draw is this: (boogie down, kids)  
( ( ) ( ( ) ( | ) ( ) ) ( ) )  
Sweep your eyes back and forth across the screen! It dances for you!   
And on that juvenile note, I give you the latest chapter of this thing I've been writing.   
(Owwww, my torso hurts. It hurts bad)  
(There we go. That's better)  
  
Miyu raised one eyebrow at Larva, who was shifting his feet absently under her scrutiny. She cleared her throat and looked away hurriedly. "Um....I see you've...cleaned up."  
"Yes...uh...I have."  
"Um. Nice. That's good."  
"Yup." (I know, he wouldn't say yup. Shoot me later)  
"Yep....burn my toothbrush?"  
"Parents got to it first."  
"Sorry."  
"Used a sponge."  
"Good, good."  
"Mm hmm...."  
"Uh, Larva? Where are your clothes?"  
"Your father screamed like a little girl when he saw me and hid under them, which was a good thing, I suppose, since your mother is washing both their kimonos. Did you know both your parents wear the same clothes? That will mess a kid up..."  
"I suppose they need to be wash-wait, she's doing what?"  
"She gathered all their clothes and left, saying she needed to wash the stench out of them."  
"Larva, when they were sealed, there were no washing machines. She doesn't know HOW to wash the clothes."  
"....You didn't wash your clothes before I met you?"  
Miyu put a hand to her forehead. "Rrrr, no no no."  
"Ew." Larva wrinkled his nose distastefully. Miyu noticed how pale his face was, making his crimson eyes stand out starkly against his, Miyu noticed, obscenely handsome face.  
She shook her head absently and left off drooling over Larva. "No, I mean that's not what I meant. Mother used to wash our clothes by hand, in a large basin in the....." Horror crept over Miyu's face in small incriments. "Oh please no...." Miyu's face dropped into her hands. "Please, please tell me my mother isn't washing clothes in a bucket naked in the middle of the front lawn..."  
"All right. You're mother isn't-"  
"HEE HEE! Miyu! Come look at this! Your mother's naked! SHAKE IT BABY!!"  
Larva frowned over his shoulder at Miyu's father, who was leaning out the front window, wrapped in Larva's cloak, hooting at his wife.  
Miyu's eyes widened in shock and horror. "G-...Th-.Wh....What are you doing?!? Stop! Get back in here!"  
Larva aided Miyu by helpfully grabbing the cowl of his cloak and bodily wrenching the man into the house. Miyu darted to the front door and hurried out, slamming the door after her. Unfortunately, Larva was of considerable stature, a great deal larger than the man currently occupying his cloak. Miyu's father slipped out and landed nakedly on the floor. Larva shut his eyes tightly and blushed, which, if seen by ninety percent of the females in the hemisphere, would get him a fun Saturday night, since most of his female admirers had no compunctions against sharing.  
(Oh dear god my brain's turned to smegma....must finish....must finish....)  
FUN FACT: Microsoft word does not recognize smegma as a real word. Go figure..  
He heard rather than saw the man hurry back to the window and lean out, whistling sharply. Larva took a brief moment to wonder at the turns his life had taken. Not twelve hours past, he and Miyu had been hunting Shinma. Before, he had been a member of one of the most powerful and feared clans in the realm, vying for the most powerful position in the Shinma hierarchy. Now here he was, naked and wet, wearing a small pink handtowel and holding his own cloak, shutting his eyes against the sight of his Mistress' (not the kind that lives in sin!) naked father, who was leaning out the window, entertaining a crowd of neighbors as he yelled obscenities out the window at his naked wife as his daughter tried desperately to cover her mother up using only a bucket, two sponges, and a length of garden hose. The day had surely taken an interesting turn. Quite suddenly, Larva had had enough. Releasing the towel (I know, I know...calm yourselves ladies), letting it fall to the floor, Larva calmly pulled his cloak over his head, much to the disappointment of the one neighbor woman who had snuck around the back to peek in the window in order to get another glimpse of Larva wearing his towel. He calmly strode over to the man and grabbed his face, pulling him in and hauling him down the hall despite his muffled protests over 'how long it had been'. Larva casually opened a closet door and leisurely stuffed the man inside, slamming the door and reaching down to tear a floorboard out and jam it into the ground in front of the door, trapping the despondent man inside. Sweeping down the hallway, he casually stalked outside and grabbed Miyu's mother, who he casually tossed in the house by means of the window her husband had earlier been leaning out of.   
The crowd surrounding the house began to get rowdy. It wasn't every day a red-eyed, clawed, cloaked monster-man tossed naked ladies about. Larva turned to the crowd. Some were inching closer, some yelling questions, some yelling obscene suggestions that beat those of Miyu's father hands-down, some just yelling at the tops of their lungs for the sheer unadulterated hell of it.   
All of the frustrations of the situation came to a head in Larva's mind suddenly. Shutting his eyes, steeling himself, trying not to think of what he was about to do, he made a rash decision. He flashed the crowd.  
Some people screamed, some fainted, some ran away. One person clapped, but all rapidly disappeared, all who were still conscious. Larva turned back to Miyu, slightly flushed. She straightened hurriedly from where she had been leaning over trying to get a peek, and met his gaze a little unsteadily. Her lips twitched. Larva took and deep breath and casually glided back into the house, closing the door after Miyu and disappearing into the bathroom, firmly shutting the door behind him. Miyu, standing in the middle of the living room, lost all self-control and burst out laughing. She laughed until tears streamed down her face and her knees gave way, depositing her on the floor where she sat, laughing until she couldn't breathe, then sat wheezing and giggling to herself. She looked up at her mother, lying unconscious on the floor where she had landed, and sighed to herself. The day had certainly taken a turn.  
~~~~~~~~  
  
This is taking longer than I thought. The next chapter's supposed to be the last one, but if things draaaaaaag on, there might be two more. The next chapter will deal with Miyu's parents actually getting cognitive skills back and interacting with Miyu. Dey jus a leetle stoopid right now from being trapped in a big box for all that time. It's like waking up after surgery. Decades-long surgery...oh well. I finish soon, childrens. This won't be like 'Let's all kill Himiko!', that massive monstrosity...I don't know what I'm going to do about that story. But anyway! Wee hoo! Thanks for reading.  
And oh yeah! I don't own Miyu, Larva, or any of their family members. The crowd around the house was composed of my reviewers, though there's no way you'd know that until now! But yes, that was you, dear ones. My present to you. Cegi was the one peeking in the back window. You're welcome. 


End file.
